...i · had · told · you · that · this · was · in · reference · to · Orion, · formerly · written · Urion...

TODAY! TODAY ICE FELL FROM THE SKY. ON TOP OF MY HEAD. (well, of my luckily deployed hat.) AND IT WAS AWESOME. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL WINTER, TO GO SEE SNOW.

*first hail she's ever seen*

This journal is slowly becoming Friends-only. But do not despair! Just leave a comment and I'll add you. I just don't want the general public and/or unwanted passerbys reading about the developments in my life. But if you're an LJ-user, you're most probably not an unwanted passerby. :)

haha i am just awesome.

today, the day i was supposed to be home working on my paper, my pc breaks down.

AFTER I WROTE SOME FOUR FULL PAGES OF TEXT.

i hope i can get someone to fix it in time. (and that i don't have to turn in a printed version tomorrow.)

anyway. writing at work, then. practically my second home anyway.

paper finished and sent to my teacher.

started to draw again.

started to write a little bit.

bad taste in my mouth because of my relationship.

anger rising real quickly, for no reason at all.

so stupid.

being in a games and education mail list is so awesome, i'm getting to meet people important to the industry, and some of them are interested in a project going on over at work, it's so nice. makes me feel kind of important.

but now it makes me wonder what i want to do with life even more. because i have this interest for game-based learning - i'm even writing my final paper about it - but i like the entertainment industry too, and i have no idea where or how i could work with GBL. not to mention it's cool to study about, but it must be quite boring to work with. i suppose.

oh well. tomorrow i turn in my paper (YES THE ONLY THING MISSING IS THE CONCLUSION! YES!) and i can think about life a lot more. and go back to doing stuff i liked to do before i got lost in life. drawing, writing. those stuff.

so yay!

so i finally found out what i need.

(well, my therapist found out so props to her.)

i need a life project. i need plans. i need something that consolidates what i want to do in my life.

because i've always been aloof. i've never had ambitions or plans. i've always waltzed through life like i had nothing to lose, just doing what i had to do at the moment and not looking forward at all. things fell into my lap like gifts - my college, my job, this job opportunity in finland.

as soon as i'm done with my final paper (due this friday OMGWTFBBQ!) i'll think about it.

this week, almost everyday someone has pushed me over to finland. either talking about it, or showing me photos, or saying how awesome Digital Chocolate is, or saying that i MUST GO, whatever it takes. and sometimes i feel stupid for wanting to stay here because of my boyfriend. well, yes i have plans of marrying him and being a family, but... living in europe, working at a kick-ass developer... sometimes i don't know what i should choose. because i know he wouldn't go with me if i decided to go. if i decided to go to germany, he would certainly go with me... but finland is way out of left field.

i guess i'm just waiting for someone to decide for me. but i guess i'm alone on this one. i just wish i'd just take a stance and be steady with it, instead of shifting poles every once in a while.

and now my friend who's there said she thinks that if i wanted to go, they'd certainly hire me.

this is my current crisis. this has made me cry almost every day this week. this is what's making me miserable.

(at least this crisis has an actual reason.)

oh god, House 2x21 is making me cry my eyeballs out.

our lead programmer is leaving us today.

so sad. he's been here ever since the company was created. and he was a lot of fun to be around, he was kinda shy, but really friendly.

but, oh well. now, from when i started here two years ago, there are only two people.

finding new awesome bands is SO COOL.

(though "new" is a relative term.)

Strapping Young Lad is amazingness.

the problem with spending the last five days on a trip with your boyfriend is that things get extremely dull and lonely when you're back home. and cranky. :(

i can't wait till we move in together. (oh damn i keep fantasizing and thinking stuff and wishing i had a best gal-friend the type you have in middle school who you tell these stupid little happy relationship things to.)

on the off-topic, House-watching day yay.

five days later, here we are back at home.

i wish carnaval would never have to end.

[edit]would anyone please make a statistic of for how long i haven't had one crisis of sudden sulkiness or whatever else? no, really, i think i might be breaking a world record here. :D i don't think i've felt this good for this long in a long time.

best movie ever or best movie ever??


off to trip! back tuesday, bye byes!

eight letters, one spirit:

C A R N A V A L !

yes for the greatest national holiday ever! almost a week of free days!

you know, maybe i was wrong about my game designing self. i've been quite happy with game design lately - my only problem is the lack of creativity needed to work here. i want to be able to work at bigger projects. right now we're facing an endless flux of game-based learning projects, which fits right into my main area of game design interest. but the problem is, they're all too tied up. there's even a project for teaching game design and development in public schools - something in which i wish i could participate as a consultant, subject designer and tutor, but unfortunately my obligations as lead GDer won't let me dive head first into this.

so... yay?